No-Good Need

Everyone needs love… so they say. But what some people will go through just to be loved… just ain’t worth it.

From where I stand behind the bar, it’s easy to look out at all of the players (and their prey) and the couples (and their secret lovers)… and point out all of the losers and broken hearts.

Sometimes, you can’t help but wonder what keeps the unlucky-in-love hanging on… to a bad situation. But that’s none of your business… no matter how sad it may seem. You’re just another piece of furniture in the room.

It’s like an unspoken oath that a bartender never talks about who they’ve seen with who in their bar. It’s just bad business to run your mouth… or to get involved.

But not everyone is unlucky in love.

Perhaps the biggest benefactors of love-gone-wrong are the Captain-Save-A-‘Hos’. You know… the older guys who like the pretty little young thangs that they can no longer attract… under normal circumstances.

A Captain-Save-A-‘Ho’ is usually retired (with generous benefits). He has worked steadily for one company pretty much all of his life… making a pretty good living and life for his wife and family. And now that he has retired, he just wants to enjoy himself… spending his money on a pretty little young thang… in hopes of forging a friendship (with sensuous benefits).

With guys like these, sex isn’t even the issue. Appearances and bragging rights are. The idea that a man so advanced in years can attract the attention of a young lady that most men his age can only fantasize about… that’s what floats Captain-Save-A-‘Ho’s boat. He just rushes in with a gentle, appeasing disposition and a fist full of cash to rescue the young ladies who are being mistreated by their young beaus… beaus who don’t have the money to give them all of the things they want and need (cars, cell phones, money for rent and utility bills, clothes, jewelry, spending money, etc.).

Yep… Captain-Save-A-‘Ho’ is always Jim-Dandy-To-The-Rescue… that is… until he puts himself into a situation where HIS ass needs rescuing.

Uhhuh… that’s when he finds out… real quick and in a hurry… that love don’t love nobody.

This fella named Joe retired from the Army after 30 years and moved into a home that he had built for his dream retirement… in the small military town just outside the military base. Joe had every man-toy that his heart desired… a motorcycle, a pickup truck, a sports car, a classy sedan and a couple of off-road vehicles. Aside of a little less hair and a slightly bulging belly, Joe was in great shape… for a retiree. And oh how he loved to dress!

Unfortunately, not too long after his retirement, Joe’s wife of many years passed away. He had his dream home and all of these possessions, but no one to share it all with. That is perhaps what led Joe 40 miles into the big city to my bar one Sunday night.

Joe flirted around with all of the ladies… buying them drinks and asking for dances… until he settled on one lady in particular – Careliss. Careliss had a beautiful personality that drew strangers and conversation to her like a magnet. And Joe was no exception. After a few drinks and quite a few dances, Joe was smitten with the love bug. And Careliss was smitten with Joe’s wallet.

But there was one slight problem – Careliss had a man… who lived with her in an apartment that she shared with her mother. There certainly wasn’t room in Careliss’ life for Joe… at least, not in her apartment. And even though Careliss explained all of this to Joe, Joe was determined to pursue her affection.

Every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night from that night on, Joe drove 40 miles to sit around in my bar to wait and see if Careliss would re-appear. And one night she did. To her surprise, Joe swooped down on her and showered her with whatever she wanted… drinks, food and even money. As the night wound down to closing time, I overheard Joe tell Careliss that he wasn’t going to let her go this time. He told her that she didn’t have to go home to her man. She could come home with him. And they didn’t have to do anything that she didn’t want to do when they got there. He even offered to fix her some breakfast. After much begging and persuading, Careliss finally consented to go home with Joe. She dropped her car off outside her apartment. Then she snuck into her apartment to check on her mother… and slipped out again with a change of clothes.

About three or four days later, Joe and Careliss came into my bar holding hands… full of laughter and chatter. Careliss confessed that she hadn’t been home since the two of them had left my bar a few nights earlier. With a great deal of excitement, she went on to describe Joe’s big beautiful home and plush furnishings, his large yard and various vehicles. She had even met his daughters… whom she was quite fond of. Joe beamed as he watched Careliss go on and on. I doubt if he paid much attention to anything that Careliss was saying. He was hooked… hook, line and sinker. And he had managed to hook Careliss… if not on him… on his comfortable lifestyle.

For quite a few months, Joe and Careliss were an item… if only in my bar, in the streets and in the small military town where Joe’s home was located. And Joe lavished her with expensive clothes, jewelry, trips and money… lots of money. He paid her rent on her apartment… that housed her mother... and her other man! He paid for repairs on her car… that her other man drove back and forth to work. He even bought groceries for her mother and her other man to eat.

The only thing that Joe absolutely refused to buy Careliss was shoes. He said, once while we were shopping together on one of our bar’s bus trips to New Orleans, “My mama told me to never buy a woman shoes. Because she’ll use them same shoes to walk out on you.” In hindsight, that would have been a blessing for Joe… not a tragedy.

There were a lot of things that I didn’t know about Careliss. While she always was the friendly type, she had many friends who were dope hustlers and fiends. So, I never could quite figure out if these were friends, business associates or customers.

As the months went by, the relationship between Joe and Careliss began to fray. The two of them would get drunk and argue. It was usually Careliss being angry with Joe about one thing or another. And the more Careliss drank, the more she expressed her dismay with him. Eventually, the two of them stop coming out together. I just assumed that they were going somewhere else.

The next time I saw Joe, he was quite slim… with his stylish clothes hanging off of his once stout frame. His whole demeanor had changed. He seemed to struggle to be cordial, but he was fidgety… very anxious.

He asked me if I knew anyone who wanted to buy his motorcycle. I told him to leave his telephone number and I’d ask around for him. Joe named quite a few other items that he had for sale… household furnishings and off-the-road vehicles. He told me that he had to raise some cash to save his house. I knew then that Joe had messed around and got on that shit... dope. And I suspected that Careliss had something to do with it.

Joe managed to raise quite a bit of money selling off his belongings. But it didn’t go towards saving his house. It all went to Careliss… in some way, shape or fashion… in hopes of keeping her.

Joe lost his house. And when he had nothing left to lose, he lost Careliss, too.

Yes, Careliss broke Joe down to less than nothing, drained his resources and tucked herself quite nicely back into her relationship with the man she lived with. Her conscience was clear. After all, she told Joe upfront that she had a man. Joe should have heeded the Do Not Enter sign.

Joe opened the door for disaster to enter into his life when he left his own backyard to seek companionship in a bar in the big city that he knew little about. His second mistake was when he allowed himself to fall for a woman he knew even less about. His next mistake was when Joe refused to heed Careliss’ warning that she was already living with another man.

By insisting on a relationship with Careliss, he acquitted Careliss of any blame for not fully committing to the relationship they had with each other. He also opened the door even wider for Careliss to abuse his loving affections for her. The girl was just no-good.

But perhaps the biggest mistake of all was when Joe thought he could buy Careliss’ love with money and things... leaving him to learn the true meaning of the song, "Money Can’t Buy Me Love."

The rhythm of this blue note is: The no-good always need. So, keep your money to yourself and your emotions on the shelf.